The never-ending closet – fear of saying I’m gay

When we come out as gay, we say that it is a deeply personal experience. And it is. I think everybody’s story is unique. But we can also relate to almost everyone else’s coming out story in some way or another. We might have experienced similar reactions by parents or friends. Or we may relate to that initial fear before we let those difficult words escape our mouths: “I am gay.”


Fearing the “I am gay”

I think most of us have had (and maybe still have) this immense fear of saying the words “I am gay” to someone who is important to us when we can’t predict their response. It is this crushing fear of complete rejection. Maybe we fear abuse, physical or verbal. Or maybe we fear we will lose them. We fear they will take it badly, and suddenly our whole world will cave in.

In the closet

How much of that fear is the fear of their reaction, and how much is the fear we have of ourselves?


You have already come out!

Even if you have not come out to others, you have come out to yourself, either fully, or enough to make you curious. And how has that gone? Before jumping to the answer that you are fully comfortable with yourself, think about it. Have you never thought that you may have an easier life as a straight guy? Resented being gay? Felt insecure about how others think of you?


But you are still coming out…

I can’t speak for others, but my own experience is that we come out to ourselves throughout our whole life. It is a continuous never-ending process. Coming out to others is part of the process of our own coming out. As we come more and more out of the closet, we become less and less fearful of who we are.

That’s just my view anyway…


Share your thoughts on the above post!