Effective Communication

Let’s face it – communication is not always easy, especially in a gay relationship (they say men don’t communicate well). In my relationship, we have had to work through these same communication problems. There are however some things that you can do improve communication and begin talking to one another rather than screaming.


People communicating

Identify when you use negative language

The way we speak can be classified as positive or negative language. Negative language is where we try to get our point heard, but fail because we end up offending our partner, and they stop hearing what we wanted to say. This shuts the communication down.

Let me give you an example: “You don’t love me because you won’t move in with me”. How is anyone going to think about moving in after being told “you don’t love me…”?

How to use positive language

Now lets look at the reverse: “I love you so much that I would like you to please move in with me.” This statement resonates with positivity and is non-threatening. It leaves your partner much more open to the idea of moving in.

Be very clear in your communication

Here is a simple formula to help you get started in the right direction and communicating correctly:

  • I observe <the following> which makes me feel <the following> and I identify <the need I have> so please lets look at ways to fulfil it.
  • For example: I observe <that we only spend 2 days a week together> which makes me feel <sad and lonely as I miss you too much> and I identify <that moving in will make us happier>.

In my experience, it is quite easy to slip into using negative communication. Give the above a try, and see if your communication can improve and be clearer, simpler and more open.


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