Coming out as gay: My Story 6

We all have our own personal coming out story. Here is mine…

I can’t say exactly which date I came out, as I see it as a long process. One that I am still busy following.


How it all started

I think I first started becoming seriously curious about guys when I was at university at the age of 19. In hindsight, this seems to be a lot later than many guys, but it is an individual thing, so it doesn’t matter. I was never interested in girls much at school, and maybe that should have been the first sign.

I started becoming interested in the idea of masturbating with other guys, and wished that I had opportunities in my teenager years that I have read about other people having. I didn’t think that I was gay at this stage… just curious. I had no reason to believe that I was gay. At that stage, gay people were portrayed to be very feminine, and I wasn’t feminine.

Coming out

Around this time, I had started getting back in contact with an old friend of mine, and while texting it sort of came out that he was not straight. And I thought to myself “I have similar feelings as my friend, maybe I am also not straight?” So I told him that I might be bisexual.

At that stage, I think it was more about the idea of being physical with guys rather than being in love. Until I met a guy that took my heart away.


The first relationship

The friend that I came out to invited me to a party, which was mostly a straight crowd, but did have a few gay guys there. And then… this tall, hot guy walked in, and my jaw just dropped. I said to my friend, ‘who is that!?!”. I ended up spending the evening hitting on him, even though I didn’t realise that was what I was doing. I became somebody else (and I suppose I had just came out to myself in that moment). We got talking, and I ended up completely infatuated with him.

We went on a couple of dates, and after about two months, he asked if I wanted to be his boyfriend. I was so shocked, and not knowing what I was doing, I followed my (rather fast-beating) heart and said “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend”. I thought I would try out this ‘gay thing’ as I thought I could change my mind later. Well that was all history, and guess what… I’m still gay.


Coming out as gay to the family

It took me a few months into the relationship before I told my mother that I was gay. It was this moment that I felt like I was starting to come out. Well, she kind of drew it out of me. My boyfriend and I had a big fight over the phone, and I couldn’t help but cry so hard. My mother saw me, and for some reason she just asked me if I was gay (a mother always knows what is going on). Crying, I said that I was “bisexual”. I still believed I was bisexual rather than gay then because I thought to myself that it sounded better for some reason.

I'm gay on flag

In almost the same sentence, she told me that she had always thought I might be gay, and that she thinks it is a phase. So she was also confused, and in denial. She was quite sad, and called my being gay “a situation”. She also did not get on well with my boyfriend as she believed that he had made me gay.


Things are better now

But over time, my mother has come to terms with me being gay and is now quite supportive of me and my relationship. I can say that she appears completely comfortable with me, my boyfriend, and my relationship.

As for being fully comfortable to tell the rest of the world that I am gay… well it is a long process. Most people in my life know, but there are still a few people that I feel awkward to talk to about me being gay. Hopefully, as I progress through life, I will find it easier to tell those ‘difficult-to-tell’ people that I am gay.

And that is my story… what is yours? Let me know on the comments below, or by visiting “Be a Guest Blogger“.


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6 thoughts on “Coming out as gay: My Story

  • Stephan H

    I’m gay, and I’m proud of that. But I’m scared of coming out. But this website is building up my courage to finally come out to the first people, my parents. It’s going to be difficult, but I can’t remain like this, hiding away and not being myself. This article, in particular for some reason, gave me a boost of courage 🙂

    • Paul de Ville

      Hi there, at the age of 44 (hectic), I now realise that coming out was a sort of “natural” thing. Back in the day, it was still considered something one seldom spoke about, but I think I was in my first real relationship (that lasted 16 years eventually), that I plucked up the courage and called my family one by one, and said I now have a great life with someone I love, and I want to share that life with them as a NORMAL part of the family, and to my relief things just got easier from then on. I remember my one sister’s reaction was…”are you sure”, lol. Now I look back and cannot think that it was such a difficult thing. Sure it could have gone the other way, but I think once you meet someone you are intent and convinced you are gonna share your life with. One has a sort of urge to ensure that you want to make this public (as most newly in love people do), and it pushes you to make the decision to play open cards and start sifting the dead-wood out of your life, in order to build this new one together.

  • Thomas

    I have been in the questioning of my sexuality since grade 11 (age 17) when I was really attracted to guys. In Grade 11 I started liking LGBT pages on facebook and some gay chats site and from there I dated guys and it was fun even though the relationships were all distant. I have never in my life thought of dating a girl even though my friends try. I kept on dating guys on social media until today age 19. I am now at university and I experimented gay sex with two guys and I enjoyed every bit. After engaging in sexual activity I realized I’m gay and I also learned about sexuality in Sociology of Health which made me understand better. Now I’m in the process of coming out and I came out to my sister by telling her on whatsapp and she replied by saying she can’t judge but the bible will judge. I haven’t gone home since I told her – I’m still on campus. On campus I told three people: one who stays at res and two are my church mates, and they are supportive. But I’m really fearing my life because after the exams I have to go home and explain myself why I said I’m gay. On campus I have so many crushes and there is one I really love but scared to befriend the guy. I am a loner because it is hard to make friends with lgbt guys and all my friends are straight and I feel excluded.

    • Aaron Post author

      Thanks for your comment. I know how you feel sometimes – being gay can be a bit lonely, especially when your social group is straight. It’s like you just don’t fit in. But I think it gets better. You will meet more gay people and will form a social network with people who do understand you (there must be hundreds of gays on campus). But as you come out more and more, your straight social group will also accept you more and more, and you will become comfortable with who you are. Good luck on your journey!