Coming Out as Gay: My Personal Journey

I'm Gay pride flag

We all have our own story when it comes to coming out as gay. This is mine—a journey that unfolded slowly, with moments of fear, joy, heartbreak, and ultimately, love and acceptance. It’s not a single moment, but a process that continues to evolve.

How It All Began

I can’t pinpoint the exact day I came out, because for me, it wasn’t a one-time event. It was a gradual unfolding, a series of realisations that started when I was around 19, during my university years. That might seem late to some, but everyone’s journey is different, and that’s perfectly okay.

Back then, I wasn’t interested in girls, but I didn’t immediately label myself as gay either. I was curious—particularly about the idea of being intimate with other guys—but I didn’t see myself in the stereotypical image of gay men that was so prevalent at the time. I wasn’t feminine, and I didn’t relate to the way gay men were portrayed in the media.

Then, something shifted. I reconnected with an old friend, and during our chats, he came out to me. That moment sparked something inside me. I recognised similar feelings in myself and told him I might be bisexual. At the time, it felt safer to say that than to fully embrace the idea that I might be gay.

My First Relationship

That same friend invited me to a party. It was mostly a straight crowd, but there were a few gay guys there. And then he walked in—tall, confident, and completely captivating. I was instantly drawn to him. I didn’t even realise I was flirting until later, but I was completely taken by him.

We went on a few dates, and two months later, he asked me to be his boyfriend. I was stunned, having no idea what I was doing, but I said yes. I thought I was just “trying out” this gay thing and could always change my mind later. But that was the beginning of everything. Spoiler alert: I didn’t change my mind. I was gay, and I had finally admitted it to myself.

Coming Out as Gay to My Family

It took a few months into the relationship before I told my mother. Actually, she kind of pulled it out of me. After a particularly emotional fight with my boyfriend over the phone, I broke down crying. My mother saw me and, in that way mothers just know, asked me if I was gay.

Through tears, I told her I was “bisexual.” At the time, I still clung to that label because it felt like an easier pill for both of us to swallow. She responded by saying she had always suspected I might be gay, but she also said she thought it was just a phase. Two contradictory things in the same sentence. She referred to it as “a situation” and wasn’t thrilled about my boyfriend, believing he had somehow “made me gay.”

It was a difficult time. She was confused, and so was I. But despite the discomfort and denial, the conversation had begun—and that was a start.

Things Got Better

Over time, things began to shift. My mother slowly started coming to terms with my sexuality, and with each relationship I had, she grew more comfortable.

I’ve had three boyfriends over the years, and with each one, she became more open, more accepting, and eventually, genuinely supportive.

By the time I met the man who would become my husband, she was not only accepting—she was fully embracing. Today, she loves him dearly, and our relationship is warmly welcomed in the family. It’s been a gradual journey, but one that has brought us closer together.

Share Your Story here or check out some other Coming Out Stories.

Coming Out Is Still a Process

Even now, years later, coming out as gay remains an ongoing journey. Most people in my life know, but there are still a few I feel awkward telling. There are still moments of hesitation, especially with people I don’t know well or in professional settings. But I’ve learned that coming out isn’t about one big announcement—it’s about living truthfully, moment by moment.

Final Thoughts

Coming out as gay is deeply personal. For me, it was a slow, sometimes painful, but ultimately beautiful process. I’ve grown, I’ve loved, and I’ve been loved in return. And while the journey isn’t over, I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

💬 What about you?
Coming out as gay is different for everyone. I’d love to hear Your Story—whether it’s just beginning or already unfolding. Share your thoughts in the comments below.

6 responses to “Coming Out as Gay: My Personal Journey”

  1. Aaron Stymiest avatar
    Aaron Stymiest

    Great job with coming to terms with yourself. I’m proud of you 🙂

  2. Stephan H avatar
    Stephan H

    I’m gay, and I’m proud of that. But I’m scared of coming out. But this website is building up my courage to finally come out to the first people, my parents. It’s going to be difficult, but I can’t remain like this, hiding away and not being myself. This article, in particular for some reason, gave me a boost of courage 🙂

    1. Aaron avatar
      Aaron

      Hey there, thanks for your comments! I’m glad that you are getting more courage… it grows over time.

    2. Paul de Ville avatar
      Paul de Ville

      Hi there, at the age of 44 (hectic), I now realise that coming out was a sort of “natural” thing. Back in the day, it was still considered something one seldom spoke about, but I think I was in my first real relationship (that lasted 16 years eventually), that I plucked up the courage and called my family one by one, and said I now have a great life with someone I love, and I want to share that life with them as a NORMAL part of the family, and to my relief things just got easier from then on. I remember my one sister’s reaction was…”are you sure”, lol. Now I look back and cannot think that it was such a difficult thing. Sure it could have gone the other way, but I think once you meet someone you are intent and convinced you are gonna share your life with. One has a sort of urge to ensure that you want to make this public (as most newly in love people do), and it pushes you to make the decision to play open cards and start sifting the dead-wood out of your life, in order to build this new one together.

  3. Thomas avatar
    Thomas

    I have been in the questioning of my sexuality since grade 11 (age 17) when I was really attracted to guys. In Grade 11 I started liking LGBT pages on facebook and some gay chats site and from there I dated guys and it was fun even though the relationships were all distant. I have never in my life thought of dating a girl even though my friends try. I kept on dating guys on social media until today age 19. I am now at university and I experimented gay sex with two guys and I enjoyed every bit. After engaging in sexual activity I realized I’m gay and I also learned about sexuality in Sociology of Health which made me understand better. Now I’m in the process of coming out and I came out to my sister by telling her on whatsapp and she replied by saying she can’t judge but the bible will judge. I haven’t gone home since I told her – I’m still on campus. On campus I told three people: one who stays at res and two are my church mates, and they are supportive. But I’m really fearing my life because after the exams I have to go home and explain myself why I said I’m gay. On campus I have so many crushes and there is one I really love but scared to befriend the guy. I am a loner because it is hard to make friends with lgbt guys and all my friends are straight and I feel excluded.

    1. Aaron avatar
      Aaron

      Thanks for your comment. I know how you feel sometimes – being gay can be a bit lonely, especially when your social group is straight. It’s like you just don’t fit in. But I think it gets better. You will meet more gay people and will form a social network with people who do understand you (there must be hundreds of gays on campus). But as you come out more and more, your straight social group will also accept you more and more, and you will become comfortable with who you are. Good luck on your journey!

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