So now I am single 9

My world got completely turned upside-down recently when I found myself no longer in a 6-year relationship, but instead alone and single. My boyfriend and I broke up. It is not my intention to write up nasty stuff about my ex-boyfriend, or to air my dirty laundry here. I just thought I’d write down how I feel.

Believe it or not, I have not been in this situation before. Never before have I gone through a permanent breakup. We did have a fight before that resulted in us being apart for a week or two, but this is different. This seems permanent.

At first, when we split up, I wanted it. I thought that it would be for the better and we would both end up being happier. And I felt nothing. No sadness, no stress, no loneliness. I didn’t even feel the need to be busy. But I started worrying about why I wasn’t reacting. I thought I should have been in a lot of pain after a (relatively) happy long-term relationship ended. But inevitably, the pain did arrive…

Heart with hole in

The pain came with confusion. They always tell you that when you suffer a breakup, you will feel deeply sad and depressed. What they don’t tell you, is that it goes up and down. One minute you are coping. The next minute you feel like death inside. You can’t imagine ever being happy again… you feel lonly even when people are around. And then you start wanting the relationship to be repaired. But then again you don’t. Then you do. Such confusion! And it is enhanced by the fact that we both still love and care for each other. It just didn’t work out.

I think my advice to myself is that it is perfectly OK to feel sad, happy, and confused, all at the same time. I think the best thing is to give my feelings some time to mature. After a while, they will settle, and my heart will tell me what I need to do next.

Do you have any advice?

Share your thoughts on the above post!

9 thoughts on “So now I am single

  • Andre

    Hi there, I really feel for u, I know what u going throu as I myself also come from a 11year relationship 5 months ago and I recently found out that he got a new bf already, and just last night my ex send me messsges telling me how much he misses me, but we both know there will never be a “us” again although I wish there could be, but we both feel that we don’t want to go through that pain again.

    • Aaron

      Wow, ending an 11 year relationship must be double as tough as what I am going through. I guess sometimes people find other relationships because they need the comfort, and can’t be alone. But they also need time to heal and learn.

  • Archie

    i can relate so much to you…..

    its been two weeks and i haven’t reacted…. and i always knew that one day I’m gonna have a break down, right now these past few days i felt this uneasy feeling in my chest… intense breathing and a few tears whilst i am busy with something… <3 hang in there…..

    you need to feel all these feelings and let them out. it will be painful as ugly fashion to the naked eye (sorry for the dry joke, I'm not myself lately), but you must let it be… feel the feeling.

    • Aaron

      Thanks for the comment. I hope it is not too painful for either of us. I just find it weird how unpredictable my feelings are.

  • Johann

    Gosh, 6 years is a long time! Was there an actual reason you two broke up? I don’t think you can move on with your life if you don’t understand the reasons surrounding the break-up.

    • Aaron

      Yes and no… there was not one specific event, but more just realising that there is something missing, something not right.

  • Robert

    Just found your blog….trust me….you will feel better – in time. Not sure if you are aware of what psychologists call the “grief” model – when one is in a period of grief…from a death, end of a relationship, marriage etc. you may think it is about moving forward and then you come out the other end. It doesn’t work that way. Yes you can take some steps forward and then the next thing you know you’re 3 steps back, you move forward and it seems okay and then something happens and you go back a couple of steps…that’s the true model of grief and it is natural. What will happen is that, in time, you will make it to through the tunnel and life will be whole and you will be happy again. Don’t give up, surround yourself with friends, try and do things that make you feel good – whatever that is….and one day you will be standing solidly on your own two feet free of saddness and anxiety.

    • Aaron

      Hi Robert. Thanks so much for your comment. It makes so much sense. I think it helps to know that it is normal to flow forward, without feeling guilty if I take steps back. I already feel like I am moving forward. The mistake I make is to overthink everything, rather than just living and enjoying the moment, and accepting the emotions that come my way.