Heterosexuals can learn a lot from gay relationships 2

Did you know that a homosexual relationship can actually set the example to society of how a good relationship works? Negative, homophobic remarks have made the world think that a gay relationship does not work; that there is a natural incompatibility. Many people, both gay and straight, think that gay people are worse at relationships. The world is made to believe that gay relationships are full of fighting, cheating and unhappiness. I wrote about this so-called ignorance homophobia in an article on how to deal with homophobia.

I certainly don’t buy that view. Successful gay relationships can actually show the world how a truly happy and equal couple can function.


Our partner is our equal

Unlike traditional straight relationships, gay relationships do not have the historic trend of being made up of a dominant, controlling husband and a submissive wife. We have built our relationships from a trusting base where we are both equal. We take on roles within the relationship that suits our personalities and aptitude. The partner with the more financial sense may drive the budget. The more creative partner may drive the decorating. And there may be some activities where we both thrive in, and therefore we share the load (cooking in our case).


Gay couple sharing a hug on the lawn

Happy gay couple


We are innovative in the bedroom

A gay relationship does not usually consist of one penis and one vagina. We therefore have come up with other ways to be close to our partner and to have fun. We are also not naturally forced to take on a certain role in the bedroom. We may prefer certain roles, or we may just prefer to be versatile.


We share a joint struggle

Gay people know what it is like to live in a homophobic society. While this is not a great society to live in, as a couple, we can stand strong together. We have learnt to not care what the world tells us. Instead we have learnt to be comfortable as we are, and to support each other.


We know how to make our partner happy

Whether it is in the bedroom, or outside, we know how to make each other happy. Since we can relate to each other by sharing gender, we can adjust quickly and easily to our partner’s needs.


Kids are not expected, they are wanted

It is harder for a gay couple to have kids. This means that if we want children, we will discuss it, research it, and spend a lot of time and effort getting a child. When a gay couple  have a child, they both really want a child. We cannot have a child by mistake. If a heterosexual couple wants to know how much someone can want a child, they should have a look at a gay couple with a child. We are also more likely to raise our children with very open and accepting views.]


We design our life

We do not have a tradition or a template to follow in our lives. We can choose freely if we want to marry. Our weddings can be completely designed the way we dream them up. We can even custom-design the structure of the relationship.

So next time you hear concerns over gay relationships, just bear in mind that we sometimes can have a much more powerful relationship tool kit than our straight counterparts.

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2 thoughts on “Heterosexuals can learn a lot from gay relationships

  • Karen

    I guess I have a unique perspective on this, since I had a traditional marriage before I met my wife of 18 years. My “real” marriage was violent and chaotic and much of it had to do with the points you raised in your post. I was never an equal, was made to conform to strict gender roles, and I always felt that on any issue, any issue at all, we were coming from polar opposite directions.

    In contrast, from the beginning of my relationship with my wife, our union has been the haven of love, support and togetherness that epitomizes what I believe a “real” marriage should be. I can’t even remember the last time we argued. We are equal in everything, we uplift each other, and we are united in our resolve to do what we can to claim our rights as first-class citizens.

    Our straight friends sigh when they look at us and say, “I want what you have.” So I know that, at least within our little circle, we prove — every day — what a successful relationship looks like.