Here are what I think are the 4 stages of finding a relationship.
1. You love being single
The first stage is one where you profess the joys of being single. Being single is the best thing in the world. You wonder why anyone would be stupid enough to be in a relationship. You really relish the freedom and lack of responsibility that comes with being single.
To the people around you, you appear to be thrilled to be single. But do you really feel like this deep down? Is this a cover for the true loneliness you are feeling?
This stage is often the first stage after a breakup. You feel that relationships just do not work, and cause people to be unhappy. However, you will most likely realise that this stage is not permanent, and you are likely to find yourself in a happy relationship some time in the future.
2. Actively searching
In the second stage, you are over being single. You are no longer the Chief Activist for the “Love Being Single” movement. Your life has settled a bit, but you find yourself missing something. Over time, you start noticing that it appears like every person in the world is in a relationship. All your friends go out as couples. Except you. You feel like the only alone one.
So you start looking for Mr Right. You search online, you give a questioning smile to people in clubs, you join a book club, and you get your best friend to try hook you up with someone. This might work, but often it doesn’t. You don’t realise it, but you might not quite be ready for a relationship. You may appear too needy, or none of the guys you date fill all the boxes in your checklist.
3. Not looking
Finally, you reach a stage where you are no longer actively searching for a relationship. You realise that the dating scene is not working, and you just aren’t finding what you are looking for. So you give up. You stop searching, and move on with your life. And this is often the time that you actually end up finding a relationship.
4. A relationship blooms
Many good relationships start when you least expect it – when you aren’t busy looking for a relationship. Just make sure you are friendly, confident and open to new opportunities, and before you know it, you will be chatting to your future partner over cocktails.