Confused about sexuality: a star lost in sky of life

This touching story was written by one of my readers about being confused with your sexuality…

I am a 23 year old gay guy who comes from a conservative family where homosexuality is not accepted and the subject is of a sensitive nature. I was raised by my mother and grandmother and grew up not knowing who my father was. I used to blame him for me being gay as he was never there for me… I had nobody to teach me the ways of manhood.

I’ve always had an empty void in me; a void that has made me not to trust and have faith in others; a void that has become a shield… a way to protect my self against any hurt inflicted by others. I’ve never had any romantic relationship nor had any courage to tell my family of my sexuality. And now the situation is more complicated as I have recently lost the one person who could have been more understanding of what I am and who would have accepted me for what I am. That person is my mother.

In this world, I’m like a star above the sky; in the presence of other stars, but a star that at times yearns to disappear and never to be seen; because in my heart I feel as if I am half alive, preventing myself from enjoying the pleasure of life and love that the world has to offer. I get tired of having to defend what and who I am, as if I’m God’s creation. A creation that was never meant to see the light and day; always questioned as if I am a mistake that was never meant to live. And all these emotions left me feeling like an empty desert; finding it hard to accept who and what I am as an individual.

Confused about your sexuality? There is hope

GayLifeZA says: Please hang in there. Being confused about your sexuality is normal. There is hope. You are a normal person like everyone else, and different like everyone else. You see, we are all different. Society has put these differences into boxes, but you must realise that you do not fit in a box. Have the courage to be who you really are. Because it is not possible to be someone else – if you try this, you end up being no one.