Attracted To The Younger Generation — Why Am I This Way?

A letter received from a reader:

Something has been playing on my mind… A lot… I am 45 years of age and been single for 7 years now. I was a late bloomer, growing up in a very conservative environment. I was scared shitless, and even though I fantasized about boys in school, I was just too afraid to act on the fantasies… I did eventually come out, or let me rephrase… I JUMPED out! What followed, was 10 years of absolute heaven. I lived in the clubs and got my fair share of boys. In fact, I was not ever happy if I did not take a boy home to shag. They became that power trip that I was looking for. They completed how I felt about myself, and I felt validated because I screwed them. That is what sex did for me. It made me feel whole.

At 32 I settled down with a guy that was 7 years younger than me. I always felt attracted to the younger ones. Our relationship lasted for just over 6 years, even as toxic as it was. We should never have stayed together for as long as we did. Funny enough, he also preferred the twinky look and I could for the life of me never understand what he was doing with me. We hardly ever had sex, and it left me feeling unwanted and not good enough. We eventually parted ways 7 years ago when the drug use started to take its toll. I lost two properties in the process, and ended up with heaps and heaps of debt.

I moved to Cape Town when we split, and turned my life around. I spent the last 7 years working on myself, cleaned and sobered up, and have been completely sober for just over 6 years. I have not been hooking up with random guys, and really worked hard at turning my life and my behavior around. I live a very simple life, and am generally happy but with one thing lacking. I have no partner in my life and no one to come home to. It does not bother me too much being on my own, and I mostly enjoy it. God I miss the sex though!

This brings me to my issue. I still am, now at the age of 45, attracted to the younger generation. I tried dating my own age, but it just does not bring any sparks. I do not feel attracted to guys my own age. At the same time, I do not want a twink for a boyfriend. Mostly because of what other would say, and off course also because it does not feel right. No one wants to be that old pervert, is all I hear in my head. But every single fantasy I have is with a 20 year old. WTF is wrong with me? I have even tried looking at normal porn, bit it does nothing for me. Its almost like my mind have been conditioned to only like what I cannot have, and it is driving me insane?

I would really like to hear from others that have the same issue. Is it normal? Should I see a professional? I would love to hear from you…