Does physical attraction make you gay? 1

If a guy is physically attracted to other men rather than to girls, does this make him gay? Can someone be straight and attracted to the same sex? The following is from one of our readers:

Ok well, thank you for taking time to read my story.

I’m 20 years old, a student at the NWU Puk. Since I was 7 or 8 years old I was different from my twin brother and my mates from school. Some boys even called me gay. At that stage I didn’t really know the meaning but it bothered me. “Why is he telling me that?” As the years went on and I realised what the term “gay” means, I was so upset, and sad! Because I come out of a serious religious home and my parents have a huge problem with homosexuals. As did I, because they taught me that it’s wrong. When I got in high school I couldn’t see any pretty girls, I only saw the rugby guys that went to the gym and they were so buff and sexy and one specific one shaved his beautiful legs – I could not stop looking at those legs. Hanre was his name.




I tried to convince myself that it is just puberty and I am perfectly straight. Then one afternoon I was searching youtube and came across a video of 2 huge muscled guys kissing in a shower. I was so turned on I wet my pants. As I went through high school I always looked at the guys, not the girls. I fantasized about guys. My last relationship was in grade 7 with a girl. Since then I was never in a relationship. Now that I’m at varsity I’m still looking at the guys. Rual Laubscher is my ultimate crush. He is handsome and muscular and perfect!! There are good looking girls but I don’t notice them.

I hope you can help me with this. Am I gay, or just physically attracted to guys??? Because I don’t see myself in a relationship with guys, but I do see myself doing physical stuff with guys. Please help!



Share your thoughts on the above post!

One thought on “Does physical attraction make you gay?

  • Adam Stewart

    Hi there,

    If anything, I’d like you to know that you are not alone.
    Accepting ones sexuality & sexual identity in itself, can be & is a process, which for some can take years to come to terms with, accept & embrace.
    Speaking from my personal perspective & experience, I too, have been attracted to other guys over the years.
    If I look back now, my earliest memory of attraction & affection with another guy would’ve been in my pre-school days.
    It was something I never quite understood myself & as I got older, it certainly started to alarm me, particularly around the time when I started being teased & bullied (not physically, but emotionally) about “being gay.”
    I was a bit of a loner at school, because I was somehow different from the other guy’s & this made me sad on many levels, because it meant I never really had the opportunity of “connecting” with other guy’s on a level most seemed to enjoy.
    I finished up with school, & though I’d have loved to have studied at varsity, that was never an option from a financial perspective & so I entered the big bad world, finding a job in the corporate world.
    I’ve never had a girlfriend & over the years, people always questioned this, although I never point blank, excluded the prospect of possibly having a girlfriend someday, it was something which was a very distant “priority” in my life & was a non-entity in all reality, I could never see myself with a woman.
    As I’ve grown older, I’ve met different people & this has certainly helped me realise that it’s okay to be whatever I am at any given moment.
    Ultimately, we are answerable & accountable for ourselves.
    My family is also very religious & I myself, consider myself to show strength in my religious views.
    Having said this, It’s not fair on yourself to allow anything\anyone to limit your journey.
    You needn’t label yourself as “Gay, Bi” or anything else, unless you want to of course, but that comes from you, no one else.
    The answer to the question, is not in my hands, nor the hands of another, but rather in your heart.
    The truth is we are all sexual beings & sexuality, whichever way it be expressed, is a beautiful gift; It’s a beautiful part of what being human is all about & I feel it certainly constitutes largely, a part of our personal journey & purpose in our own lifetime.
    Don’t judge yourself, don’t be too harsh on what you are called to explore & experience in your lifetime, because this only creates a sense of instability & unhappiness ultimately.
    You will always wonder about your sexual identity, unless you own it for whatever it is.
    By owning it, I’m certainly not saying you need to “label” it.
    Open your mind & allow yourself to be, because none of what our hearts call us to experience are ever really “good or bad” in themselves.
    It’s rather about embarking on a journey of getting to know ourselves better & will certainly help you grow as a person in whatever area’s you seek growth.
    I’m certainly not endorsing promiscuous behaviour & the type of lifestyle which could expose you to life-altering risks, but be that as it may, this is YOUR journey & I can only advise you to OWN it.

    I hope what I’ve said here has not been too vague but rather helps you on your path to self-discovery ultimately.
    The answer lies with you & I wish for you, to create a life of meaning & purpose on all levels.
    May it be a rich one as you live & let live, your true authentic self.