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Welcome to my blog. I am a young gay guy living in Cape Town, and this is the space that I write some of my thoughts, opinions and experiences.

I always appreciate any comments on my posts and I hope that you tweet anything that you enjoyed.

I will almost always publish good content written by you, and keep it anonymous unless you request otherwise. Click on be a guest blogger to write a post.

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7 easy ways make gay friends and meet people

The question I hear the most is “how can I make friendships with other gay people?” Unfortunately, the so-called ‘dating’ and ‘people-meeting’ websites and apps are filled with people who are interested in nothing but sex. Here are some better suggestions that may help you to make friends with other gay people.

Keep calm and make friends

1. Join a club that interests you (book club, restaurant clubs, walking groups)

Gay people are normal people (just like you) so they will also attend normal activities that you may be interested in. If you are interested in reading, join a book club; if you are a golfer, join a golf club; etc. Sure, there will be many straight people in the mix, but who cares? There will also be a couple of gay people along the way. The advantage is that you will have something in common – your common interest.

2. Go to cooking classes

You are sure to find some friendly people at cooking class. If you see someone else who might be gay, be friendly and introduce yourself to them. Perhaps you could suggest partnering up for the classes. And if you don’t meet anyone, at least you will learn to cook, which always comes in handy!

3. Go to a Gay Pride march

You will obviously see many other gay people here. If you go alone, try to join up with another group of guys. Be forward and introduce yourself to everyone in the group, and ask if you may join them on the march. Afterwards, suggest going for drinks or coffee. If there are any guys who you hit it off with, try to exchange contact details before you leave.

4. Find volunteer work

This is a very rewarding way to meet new people. Find a cause that interests you, such as animals, education, or working at a Pride Shelter (e.g. Cape Town Pride Shelter Trust). Help out as often as you want to, but it would probably be best to go at least once every 2 weeks.

5. Take Yoga or Pilates classes

This is a great way to stay in shape, relax your mind, and meet new people!

6. Accept invitations

If your friends or acquaintances invite you out, try to join, even if you don’t completely feel up to it. In all likelihood, somewhere along the line, your friend or their friends will bring new people into the group of friends. You will then have the opportunity to expand your friendship circles.

7. Use a dating app like Tinder or Grindr (with caution!)

These apps can be successful in finding friends, but use them with caution. There are many people who only use these apps for sex. However, if you are very clear on your profile that you are only looking for friends, and you only interact with others looking for friends, you may be successful. Make sure your profile picture is of your face, and only chat to others that show their face. These people are more likely to be genuine.

Awkward friendship

Last words

Developing friendships takes time. Don’t despair if it doesn’t come right immediately. Just keep on trying! Leave a comment to let me know your experiences. Do you have any other ideas?

Just a guy looking for another. Any hope for me?

One of my readers posted this on my blog for me:

I’m sure you’ve heard this one before but basically I’m a 23 year old African guy, raised in the villages by my loving old lady and moved to the city to come to varsity.

African village hut

I’ve known I was attracted to guys since high school but never really ‘entertained’ the idea because

  1. The community I was raised in is very homophobic. In fact, I don’t know anyone who is openly homosexual there.
  2. I hated that I was homosexual. I did not understand why me of all people needed to be gay.
  3. I’m really just ‘another guy’, so all of my friends are straight and I think homophobic (I would like to use this opportunity to say I have absolutely nothing against guys who are more in touch with their feminine sides, we are all different).
  4. Working hard to leave the villages and get into medical school kept me very busy (finishing my 5th year now).

It is only this year that I’ve accepted I am gay and I’m very comfortable with myself. I came out to my family a few weeks ago and they are surprisingly comfortable with who I am.

I’ve also just recently started dating guys (dating sites and apps mainly) but OMW! I am disgusted. Most gay guys seem to just be all about this ‘no strings attached’ hook ups.
I would like to believe we all have our preferences in terms of sexual attraction. I am unfortunately mostly attracted to the ‘straight acting’ guys. What’s more unfortunate is how most of these guys are so uncomfortable with being gay that you can’t:

  1. Comfortably walk in public with them because their friends might suspect they are gay.
  2. Discuss long term plans with them because, who knows, they might just conform and ‘go straight’.
  3. Get themselves to just fall in love with a guy and be comfortable with that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m only 23 and still sorting out my career so I’m not looking to get married yet but yes, some day I definitely want to move in with a partner whom I’m in love with, get married and have kids. Are there any guys out there who are comfortable to just fall in love with another guy and be comfortable with that?

Am I looking in the wrong places?

Please leave a comment to let us know if you think there are guys out there that are comfortable with falling in love with another guy?

Confused boy

Here is what one of my readers wrote…

Picture with guy not knowing what to do

I was married for 4 years and have an 18 year old daughter. I came out at 30 when I met an amazing guy. We have been together now for almost 18 years and the relationship has started to become, well… sort of boring.

I met another guy and we played a couple of times. He is now so in love and I worry a lot about him. He is not out, Muslim, busy with exams and confused. I get ‘lovie’, ‘love u’ messages every minute.

The problem is that I am 48 and he is 18. Yeah, I know how absurd it sounds! He is an intelligent boy and easy to be around. Of course this is strictly secret as his religion, family and friends will NOT accept this. He is not a flapping queen, but rather a normal guy doing well in everything.

What do I do to stop this and not hurt him?
I am back with my boyfriend.

From Anonymous

Book review: The Other Me (Suzanne van Rooyen)

Fifteen-year-old Treasa Prescott thinks she’s an alien. She doesn’t fit in with the preppy South African private school crowd and feels claustrophobic in her own skin. Treasa is worried she might spend life as a social pariah when she meets Gabriel du Preez. Gabriel plays the piano better than Beethoven, has a black belt in karate, and would look good wearing a garbage bag. Treasa thinks he’s perfect. It might even be love, as long as Gabriel doesn’t find out she’s a freak.

The Other Me book cover

As I read this book, I realised that it is a book like no other. The book is truly South African, and captures the culture of South African teenagers very well. But the thing I found so fascinating was how it deals with real human issues so well. Not just drama issues such as crime and violence that we hear about all the time in South Africa, but real human emotions – the ones we don’t easily share with others. Continue reading

Ban on ‘gay blood’ lifted

Finally, we have a major victory for gay rights in South Africa! The ban on “males who have had sex with males in the previous 6 months” has been lifted by the South African National Blood Service (SANBS), allowing gay men to donate blood far easier.

Blood donation

I previously wrote about how unfair the previous policy was, as it excluded safe, HIV negative gay men in a monogamous long term relationship from giving blood, while allowing our straight counterparts to donate blood. Previously, gay men had to be completely celibate for 6 months in order to donate blood. This is not realistic for a gay man in a monogamous long-term relationship.

The new policy recognises that gay men in a monogamous long-term relationship pose no more risk that a straight couple in a monogamous long-term relationship. Now, the new guidelines allow any person (gender and sexuality not specified) to donate blood if they have been monogamous for the last 6 months. Continue reading

My Other side

A guest blog post from Anonymous:

Hi, I am a Gay Guy who Comes from a family where homosexuality is forbidden. I was raised only by my mum, aunties and a grandma and it had to affect my way of doing things in an effeminate way. I was teased, laughed at and spat on during my Primary and High School days and it went a long way in affecting my esteem and what I had to tag ”my inner or other side” which happened to be my sexuality. I always hated the feeling and just recently I have come to accept myself. But no one seems to be approaching me, I always fall in love with the straight guys and it hurts me that am still lonely. How do I help myself? Is it that I have to drop my effeminate way of life to try and fit in? Is it that God doesn’t love me the way I am?

Ugandan anti-gay laws

The Ugandan anti-gay laws are an embarrassment to Africa. We are trying to put Africa forward as an innovative, developing continent. But yet our neighbours keep pulling us a few steps backward.

Uganda flag

Religion seems to play a big part in much of the homophobia around the world. However, I don’t know of any religious book that say it is a sin to be gay. Yes, some of the famous books infer that it is a sin to have sexual intercourse with members of the same sex. But not a sin to BE gay. Most religions suggest that it is a sin to have sex before marriage – but this would apply no matter your gender or sexual orientation, right? The only thing left is having gay sex with your spouse. You are welcome to have different views, but I do not believe that God frowns upon two committed life partners showing love and intimacy towards each other. It just doesn’t make sense.

By making laws that discriminate against a certain group, you are hurting people at their core. You are telling them that who they are is not allowed. Continue reading

What it means to be gay in South Africa

On paper, South Africa is one of the best places to be if you are gay.  South Africa’s constitution outlaws discrimination based on sexual orientation (we were the first in the world to do so in constitution), and gay people in South Africa are legally allowed to marry (we were the fifth country in the world to allow this). Those are two things to be very proud of.

South African gay people should be able to live a fearless life… a normal life. And many of us do. I know that I can hold my boyfriend’s hand in public in Cape Town without the fear of being beaten up. We are lucky. We need to be grateful and not take this for granted. If South Africa’s path had followed a different direction, we could easily have shared the fate of places like Uganda.

South Africa Flag

But what is on paper is not reality for all South Africans. Some of us are not so lucky.

There are some of us who live in areas where our neighbours, friends and family do not Continue reading

The condom experiment (part 2) – Endurance condoms

If you missed my earlier posts, I have been trying out all the different types of Contempo condoms to see which I like the most. The next two condoms I tried were Bareback and Endurance. The Endurance was quite amazing, as it really allowed my partner to endure for much longer. It was quite funny because he didn’t even know that he had the Endurance condom on.

Bareback  Endurance

These were both pretty awesome, and did what they were designed to do. Continue reading