The beginning...

Welcome to my blog. I am a gay guy living in Cape Town, and this is the space that I write some of my thoughts, opinions and experiences.

I always appreciate any comments on my posts and I hope that you tweet anything that you enjoyed.

Follow me on Twitter: GayLifeZA

Ugandan anti-gay laws

The Ugandan anti-gay laws are an embarrassment to Africa. We are trying to put Africa forward as an innovative, developing continent. But yet our neighbours keep pulling us a few steps backward.

Uganda flag

Religion seems to play a big part in much of the homophobia around the world. However, I don’t know of any religious book that say it is a sin to be gay. Yes, some of the famous books infer that it is a sin to have sexual intercourse with members of the same sex. But not a sin to BE gay. Most religions suggest that it is a sin to have sex before marriage – but this would apply no matter your gender or sexual orientation, right? The only thing left is having gay sex with your spouse. You are welcome to have different views, but I do not believe that God frowns upon two committed life partners showing love and intimacy towards each other. It just doesn’t make sense.

By making laws that discriminate against a certain group, you are hurting people at their core. You are telling them that who they are is not allowed. Continue reading

What it means to be gay in South Africa

On paper, South Africa is one of the best places to be if you are gay.  South Africa’s constitution outlaws discrimination based on sexual orientation (we were the first in the world to do so in constitution), and gay people in South Africa are legally allowed to marry (we were the fifth country in the world to allow this). Those are two things to be very proud of.

South African gay people should be able to live a fearless life… a normal life. And many of us do. I know that I can hold my boyfriend’s hand in public in Cape Town without the fear of being beaten up. We are lucky. We need to be grateful and not take this for granted. If South Africa’s path had followed a different direction, we could easily have shared the fate of places like Uganda.

South Africa Flag

But what is on paper is not reality for all South Africans. Some of us are not so lucky.

There are some of us who live in areas where our neighbours, friends and family do not Continue reading

The condom experiment (part 2) – Endurance condoms

If you missed my earlier posts, I have been trying out all the different types of Contempo condoms to see which I like the most. The next two condoms I tried were Bareback and Endurance. The Endurance was quite amazing, as it really allowed my partner to endure for much longer. It was quite funny because he didn’t even know that he had the Endurance condom on.

Bareback  Endurance

These were both pretty awesome, and did what they were designed to do. Continue reading

Valentine’s day ideas

This Friday is the highlight of the year for some, a commercial waste of time for others, and a very lonely day for a few. Yip, it’s Valentine’s Day.

heart

What have you got planned for the big day? You really should try to do something nice – it will make you feel great. There’s nothing wrong with spicing up your life a bit. If you are single, don’t stress! Meet up with some friends and go out together.

Valentine’s day is what you make of it. You don’t need to allow yourself to get caught up in the commercial aspect of things. Doing something special doesn’t mean spending hundreds of rands at a fancy restaurant. If that’s your thing, go for it, but here are some suggestions for something a little different:

  • Cook your partner a nice romantic (surprise) dinner at home. Don’t forget to bake a yummy dessert like a cheesecake. Include a hand-made menu, and candles of course.
  • Take your partner for a nice stroll in the park or along the beach, followed by some ice-cream. Watch the sun set together, and just enjoy the peace. Later you can do some star-gazing.
  • Make a hand-made card. Use some colourful paper, colour pens. Stick a photo of you and your partner on the inside. Write down a meaningful quote, or a memorable occasion that you enjoyed together. This will be appreciated a lot more than a R50 card from CNA.
  • Write your own poem. Make it personal. Show some vulnerability.
  • Write sexy clues to lead your partner on a treasure hunt to a special gift (or to you).

You have the power to turn Valentine’s day into an excuse to have an unusual, and fun day. So don’t hate it, embrace it!

Let me know what you end up doing…

The condom experiment (part 1) – Rough Rider

Sometimes we get hit by a stroke of luck, and mine came when Contempo Condoms agreed to send me samples of each of their types of condoms. So I couldn’t just try them out and keep quiet about it… I decided to blog about each experience. And don’t worry, they are not paying me, so I’ll give honest feedback :-)

I’m not sure what this says about us, but my partner and I decided to try out the ‘Rough Rider’ condom first. I decided to bottom for this exhilarating experience.

rough riderwed and wild

The first thing I noticed about these condoms is the smell – they don’t smell like latex. They actually smell (and taste) pleasant! I find the smell of latex is a real put-off.

Continue reading

The condom experiment (intro)

Have you every walked past the condom section in the shops and wondered how all those different types of condoms would look or feel? Have you tried them all? I’ve always been curious to try them out, but I guess I didn’t because I was afraid of wasting my money. Well now I decided that I want to try out them all to see which I like best.

I approached various condom manufacturers to see who would be willing to send me samples. The good folk at Contempo Condoms were really cool – they sent me a sample of each of their condoms. (The others didn’t bother getting back to me)

condoms

This is what they sent me!

So it is my new mission to test each one out and give each one a review on my blog. It is going to be interesting to try them all out, but I’m sure I’ll enjoy it! So will my partner!

Wish me luck…

Rough Rider
Wet ‘n WildBareback
Endurance
Power play
Midnight
Erotica

Top 10 thoughts of a parent of a gay child

So you have just found that your son (daughter) is gay. Perhaps he was brave enough to come out and tell you, or perhaps you found out by some other means. These are my views on the top 10 questions or thoughts you might have.

Parent and child

1. My child is going to become HIV positive

HIV is not a gay-only disease. It affects millions of people of all sexualities. If your son is careful about sex, there should be no need for you to worry about HIV. You should have an honest talk with your son about abstaining from sex, and/or using a condom when having sex. If he has been sexually active, you should encourage him to get tested and explain how you will support him, even if he is positive. This conversation should happen no matter the sexuality of your son.

2. I won’t be able to have a conversation about “the birds and the bees”

You can (and should) have a conversation with your son about sex. Since he is gay, and you might be unfamiliar with gay sex, you might need to educate yourself about what gay sex is. It is important to approach the subject without judgement, so as to build trust with your child. I mean, you want your son to be able to come to you if he has a problem one day, right??

3. Will my child start dressing and acting differently?

Maybe, but not necessarily. Remember, your child is still the same person he always has been. Now that he has come out to you, he may feel more comfortable in expressing who he is around you. But just remember that all he is doing is being himself. Perhaps he will go through a phase of finding himself. The metaphor of ‘coming out the closet’ is very real, as once you have come out, you get an overwhelming sense of freedom. Let him celebrate who he is and explore all that life has to offer. Who cares what he is wearing.

4. My child’s life will now be destroyed, he can’t live a normal life

What is a normal life? What does it mean to be normal? Your child will lead a unique life, which is great! But being gay is also fairly ‘normal’. There are many successful gay businessmen, sportsmen, professionals, etc, and many gay people lead a happy family life. Sure, it may be a harder life if people are teasing or bullying your child for being gay. But why add to your child’s problems? Rather be the rock that he can always turn to when he needs advice and support.

5. It must be my fault

No, it isn’t. And it isn’t your son’s fault either. People are the way they are. It is probably genetic, but nothing you could have done would have changed the fact. Besides, being gay is not a bad thing, so there is no need to look for blame.

6. Being gay doesn’t fit in with my religion

This is a tricky one. I think the core answer to this is that firstly, God created your child the way he is. So him being gay is part of God’s plan, and God loves your child. Secondly, most religions are against homosexual sex, not being homosexual.

Continue reading

Why me?

Please comment on the following email I received from a reader…

Thank you so much for a blog that makes a gay person like myself feel as though I am not alone and all is at least well in the gay community. As a young coloured South African, I grew up in a relatively small community where homosexuality was often stereotyped and often “spat” on. I was always teased about being the skinny gay boy and I ended up being shy and it was a nightmare just to come out of the house at times. Through my varsity years I managed to see life outside of a small town and had my first gay experiences in the city. I had a newfound independence and managed to live on my own once I completed varsity and found a job. Somehow my past still haunts me and it can be frustrating at times to walk alone in the mall and picture someone shouting “faggot” at me in my mind.

My other problem is I go on dates with the most gorgeous guys but I am certainly let down by most of them who see me as a means of showing power over me or seeing me as nothing more than something to vent their sexual instincts on.

Perhaps if I may be allowed to ask the readers of this blog on what I can do to instil more confidence in myself and also on how I can predetermine ways in which I can find someone decent or know that should I do go on a date, how will I know if he will not turn out to be a dragon and someone I can relate to?

Thank you again for your blog and I wish you all the best in your endevours.

Feel free to leave your comments by clicking on the speech bubble or blog heading.

Parents cutting you off

A reader emailed the following problem to me:

“My friend came out to his parents and they want to write him off… we want to know if there are any laws that state that they should pay his university studies and living costs… he is a 1st year student at North west university… please help us with any info and acts.”

Please let me know if you have any ideas that could help?