The beginning...

Welcome to my blog. I am a gay guy living in Cape Town, and this is the space that I write some of my thoughts, opinions and experiences.

I always appreciate any comments on my posts and I hope that you tweet anything that you enjoyed.

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Book review: The Other Me (Suzanne van Rooyen)

Fifteen-year-old Treasa Prescott thinks she’s an alien. She doesn’t fit in with the preppy South African private school crowd and feels claustrophobic in her own skin. Treasa is worried she might spend life as a social pariah when she meets Gabriel du Preez. Gabriel plays the piano better than Beethoven, has a black belt in karate, and would look good wearing a garbage bag. Treasa thinks he’s perfect. It might even be love, as long as Gabriel doesn’t find out she’s a freak.

The Other Me book cover

As I read this book, I realised that it is a book like no other. The book is truly South African, and captures the culture of South African teenagers very well. But the thing I found so fascinating was how it deals with real human issues so well. Not just drama issues such as crime and violence that we hear about all the time in South Africa, but real human emotions – the ones we don’t easily share with others. Continue reading

Ban on ‘gay blood’ lifted

Finally, we have a major victory for gay rights in South Africa! The ban on “males who have had sex with males in the previous 6 months” has been lifted by the South African National Blood Service (SANBS), allowing gay men to donate blood far easier.

Blood donation

I previously wrote about how unfair the previous policy was, as it excluded safe, HIV negative gay men in a monogamous long term relationship from giving blood, while allowing our straight counterparts to donate blood. Previously, gay men had to be completely celibate for 6 months in order to donate blood. This is not realistic for a gay man in a monogamous long-term relationship.

The new policy recognises that gay men in a monogamous long-term relationship pose no more risk that a straight couple in a monogamous long-term relationship. Now, the new guidelines allow any person (gender and sexuality not specified) to donate blood if they have been monogamous for the last 6 months. Continue reading

My Other side

A guest blog post from Anonymous:

Hi, I am a Gay Guy who Comes from a family where homosexuality is forbidden. I was raised only by my mum, aunties and a grandma and it had to affect my way of doing things in an effeminate way. I was teased, laughed at and spat on during my Primary and High School days and it went a long way in affecting my esteem and what I had to tag ”my inner or other side” which happened to be my sexuality. I always hated the feeling and just recently I have come to accept myself. But no one seems to be approaching me, I always fall in love with the straight guys and it hurts me that am still lonely. How do I help myself? Is it that I have to drop my effeminate way of life to try and fit in? Is it that God doesn’t love me the way I am?

Ugandan anti-gay laws

The Ugandan anti-gay laws are an embarrassment to Africa. We are trying to put Africa forward as an innovative, developing continent. But yet our neighbours keep pulling us a few steps backward.

Uganda flag

Religion seems to play a big part in much of the homophobia around the world. However, I don’t know of any religious book that say it is a sin to be gay. Yes, some of the famous books infer that it is a sin to have sexual intercourse with members of the same sex. But not a sin to BE gay. Most religions suggest that it is a sin to have sex before marriage – but this would apply no matter your gender or sexual orientation, right? The only thing left is having gay sex with your spouse. You are welcome to have different views, but I do not believe that God frowns upon two committed life partners showing love and intimacy towards each other. It just doesn’t make sense.

By making laws that discriminate against a certain group, you are hurting people at their core. You are telling them that who they are is not allowed. Continue reading

What it means to be gay in South Africa

On paper, South Africa is one of the best places to be if you are gay.  South Africa’s constitution outlaws discrimination based on sexual orientation (we were the first in the world to do so in constitution), and gay people in South Africa are legally allowed to marry (we were the fifth country in the world to allow this). Those are two things to be very proud of.

South African gay people should be able to live a fearless life… a normal life. And many of us do. I know that I can hold my boyfriend’s hand in public in Cape Town without the fear of being beaten up. We are lucky. We need to be grateful and not take this for granted. If South Africa’s path had followed a different direction, we could easily have shared the fate of places like Uganda.

South Africa Flag

But what is on paper is not reality for all South Africans. Some of us are not so lucky.

There are some of us who live in areas where our neighbours, friends and family do not Continue reading

The condom experiment (part 2) – Endurance condoms

If you missed my earlier posts, I have been trying out all the different types of Contempo condoms to see which I like the most. The next two condoms I tried were Bareback and Endurance. The Endurance was quite amazing, as it really allowed my partner to endure for much longer. It was quite funny because he didn’t even know that he had the Endurance condom on.

Bareback  Endurance

These were both pretty awesome, and did what they were designed to do. Continue reading

Valentine’s day ideas

This Friday is the highlight of the year for some, a commercial waste of time for others, and a very lonely day for a few. Yip, it’s Valentine’s Day.


What have you got planned for the big day? You really should try to do something nice – it will make you feel great. There’s nothing wrong with spicing up your life a bit. If you are single, don’t stress! Meet up with some friends and go out together.

Valentine’s day is what you make of it. You don’t need to allow yourself to get caught up in the commercial aspect of things. Doing something special doesn’t mean spending hundreds of rands at a fancy restaurant. If that’s your thing, go for it, but here are some suggestions for something a little different:

  • Cook your partner a nice romantic (surprise) dinner at home. Don’t forget to bake a yummy dessert like a cheesecake. Include a hand-made menu, and candles of course.
  • Take your partner for a nice stroll in the park or along the beach, followed by some ice-cream. Watch the sun set together, and just enjoy the peace. Later you can do some star-gazing.
  • Make a hand-made card. Use some colourful paper, colour pens. Stick a photo of you and your partner on the inside. Write down a meaningful quote, or a memorable occasion that you enjoyed together. This will be appreciated a lot more than a R50 card from CNA.
  • Write your own poem. Make it personal. Show some vulnerability.
  • Write sexy clues to lead your partner on a treasure hunt to a special gift (or to you).

You have the power to turn Valentine’s day into an excuse to have an unusual, and fun day. So don’t hate it, embrace it!

Let me know what you end up doing…

The condom experiment (part 1) – Rough Rider

Sometimes we get hit by a stroke of luck, and mine came when Contempo Condoms agreed to send me samples of each of their types of condoms. So I couldn’t just try them out and keep quiet about it… I decided to blog about each experience. And don’t worry, they are not paying me, so I’ll give honest feedback :-)

I’m not sure what this says about us, but my partner and I decided to try out the ‘Rough Rider’ condom first. I decided to bottom for this exhilarating experience.

rough riderwed and wild

The first thing I noticed about these condoms is the smell – they don’t smell like latex. They actually smell (and taste) pleasant! I find the smell of latex is a real put-off.

Continue reading

The condom experiment (intro)

Have you every walked past the condom section in the shops and wondered how all those different types of condoms would look or feel? Have you tried them all? I’ve always been curious to try them out, but I guess I didn’t because I was afraid of wasting my money. Well now I decided that I want to try out them all to see which I like best.

I approached various condom manufacturers to see who would be willing to send me samples. The good folk at Contempo Condoms were really cool – they sent me a sample of each of their condoms. (The others didn’t bother getting back to me)


This is what they sent me!

So it is my new mission to test each one out and give each one a review on my blog. It is going to be interesting to try them all out, but I’m sure I’ll enjoy it! So will my partner!

Wish me luck…

Rough Rider
Wet ‘n WildBareback
Power play